As dating consultants, we know firsthand how intimidating and overwhelming dating can be when using online dating services. All these questions swirl in our minds out of fear and anxiety.
Are they attracted to you? Are you attractive enough? Will they like your profile photos?
And the list goes on.
If this sounds familiar, then don’t worry – we’ve all been there!
We want to share five signs to help you reduce negative, self-critical thoughts when dating online.
So read on, open up your heart and mind, and take away some tips so you can confidently go out into the world of virtual romance – minus the pressure!
1. Online dating is on your to-do list
Finding the time to balance a career, hobbies, and other commitments is hard enough. But, then, adding online dating to your already long list of things to do is the first sign that you’re a bit too hard on yourself when finding love.
It is important to remember that everyone’s situation is different, and not all circumstances warrant its use. If this isn’t something you would ever genuinely enjoy, that’s ok! While online dating is an incredibly popular option, it’s not the only route toward finding someone special.
If you’d rather meet someone organically, that is an excellent way of going about things. Whatever your preferences may be, don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed!
2. Constant checking on what’s wrong with you
It’s natural to feel discouraged when you aren’t having any luck with online dating, especially when it comes to matches not responding. However, it can be helpful to find objectively productive ways and make positive changes to increase your success.
But, making it problematic to your self-esteem by pointing the critique move from the objective techniques and starting to point fingers at yourself is not fair.
Always be mindful not to take things too personally, as this can lead to an unhealthy erosion of one’s self-esteem, and it is essential to remember that online dating doesn’t define who you are!
3. Spending the whole date impressing others
Dating should be seen as an opportunity to find someone who is the right fit for you, not a test you are trying to ace.
Moreover, trying too hard to make a good impression on a date by spending the whole day planning and preparing for the other person’s enjoyment is not a good indicator.
This behaviour can be counterintuitive as it puts an unintentional spotlight on insecurities and risks that can inevitably lead to disappointment.
As such, it’s important to practise self-love and acceptance when venturing into online dating since a healthy level of confidence will ultimately be more rewarding in the long run.
4. Feeling yourself a failure
Failing in online dating can be incredibly discouraging, particularly if you’ve invested significant time and effort into building a compelling profile and putting your best foot forward. However, it’s essential to remember that a lack of success is often not an indication of personal failure.
Frequent checks on social media can make you feel bad about yourself. Everyone else seems to have their life together, but you feel like you’re falling behind.
Remember that everyone has good and bad parts to their life. Everyone gets ghosted or ignored by someone they’re dating, even though you don’t hear about it as much.
5. Constantly feeling crushed when someone doesn’t respond
It’s normal to feel happy when you meet someone who has potential. Likewise, a little excitement when you think they might have messaged you back is warranted.
But if you feel constantly crushed when someone you shared some witty banter with on the internet disappears, it is a sign that you are hard on online dating. Tons of people want relationships, but getting invested in each potential match will only wind up hurting you in the end.
So, practising a healthy attitude towards online dating by managing expectations, showing yourself compassion, and being prepared to reconcile with the feelings of knowing that not every match will lead to something further will possibly cultivate an environment in which you approach online dating with grace and optimism.
The next time you’re ready to give up on love because of a few bad dates, ask yourself if you could be falling victim to one or more of these five traps. And remember, even the most successful people in relationships have had their share of dating duds and horror stories. The key is not to take things too personally, to keep an open mind, and don’t forget to have fun!
